BAD NEWS FOR TRAMPS

“Tramp. Tramp, the beggars are coming to town”

Old Rhyme

[Welland Tribune, 16 February 1877]

The incoming tramp, tramp, of the ever increasing army of tramps placed before the Welland village council the choice of two evils; either to start an economical poor house for the swarms of impecunious invaders, or start the whole corporation itself off for the nearest free benevolent institution. The town “daddies” have gracefully paid the tramps’ hotel bills until this winter when they accrued faster than the tax collector, let him forage as he might, could collect the taxes in to pay them off. The crisis had then “arrove” and manfully was it grappled with. After a thorough inspection of the town, the “indignant committee” selected that commodious and high-toned frame building near the canal bridge, irreverently known as “Hightree’s old Paint Shop,” as the most suitable place that could be got for a town poor house and it was leased accordingly. The judgment of the committee is to be commended, as the site is central and possesses excellent water privileges, which latter form quite an item considering the important part that liquid occupies in the bill of fare. Mr. Hightree’s pious turn of mind led him to suggest that the institution be denominated “The Saints’ Rest,” but the committee not wishing to conflict with Baxter’s “Saints’ Rest” up at the Court House, styled the place

THE BUMMERS’ RETREAT

AND TRAMPS’ HOME

“Ample accommodation for Tramps and Vags. No references required.

“Lamont & Hooker”

Proprietors

“The baggage department has been placed under the able and experienced management of Mr. P. Conly, who will see that any stray bottles of liquor refreshments found on lodgers will be put where they will do the most good.” -Paddy Conly was well renown as being eccentric and spent much time in jail for public intoxication.

The following Bill of Fare will be served to the patrons of the Hotel des Bummers (Tramps’ Retreat) on Sunday next at 5 p.m.

SOUPS

Toothpick Soup…Shadow Soup

ROASTS AND BOILS

Boiled Goose (one-legged sauce)

Roast Codfish (cut blas)

Roast Curlers (done brown at Thorold)

Tender Lion (smuggled dressing)

ENTREES

Fricasseed Umbrellas (whalebone sauce)

Crabs (soft shell pull-backs)

Chinese Pot-pie (a la rat)

PUDDINGS AND PIES

Cork Pudding (button hole sauce)

Cold Dip (a la Vennor)

Broiled Ulsters (Protest sauce)

Invisible Pie

DESSERT

Ice Cream on Toast

Fairy on Ice

Adam’s Ale

Snowballs, Icicles &c.

*Bloodied tramps will sit at head of table, and see that the butter has its hair parted in the middle. Vags will have to furnish their own napkin rings and finger bowls.

*Guests will please report any inattention on the part of the waiters.

The house is run on strictly moral and temperance principles, not even that baneful beverage immortalized by our local M.P., and known as “Raspberry Syrup.” being tolerated on the premises. Notwithstanding this, it is said that after a good run of old stagers who mayhap have been sawing wood or shovelling snow for whiskey until they got their skins good and full of the air of the room will make a man unaccustomed to the use of bug juice stagger inside of two minutes. The proprietors, however, we are happy to learn, never experience any evil effects from this cause, but on the other hand if on returning home from council or lodge their garments smell as if they had been run through a gin mill and then hung up in a tobacco warehouse to dry, they can stave off Mrs. Caudle by laying it all to “those cussed tramps.” A number of soft planks are used for beds, with the advantages that they always keep clean, do not give the sleeper that suffocating, clinging sensation sometimes derived from feathers, and there is never any disagreement in reference to the possession of the bed clothes. The Tramps’ Home furnishes but two meals a day, but to counterbalance this the guests are never troubled with those little hotel bills. A few evenings ago two guests objected to the menu, saying they were accustomed to porter house steak and toast, and would prefer a dish of oysters seeing the bivalves were now in season. Singular to say “mine hosts” refused this entirely reasonable request, remarking that the success of the institution did not at all depend on its popularity with guests, and if the arrangements didn’t suit why they could go to-Thorold, where they come from.

But seriously, a Poor House has been established as stated, where tramps are given a room, plenty of fire, bread and water, at the expense of the town, and if the charitably disposed feel inclined to donate other articles of food (cooked), no doubt they will find thankful consumers almost any time, as the House is scarcely any night without occupants.